


Officestuck

by Tenebrais



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-23
Updated: 2012-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-30 00:48:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/325937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tenebrais/pseuds/Tenebrais
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A day in the life of a bunch of ordinary guys working in an ordinary office for a company that does... something.</p><p>Or rather, a lot of people not doing much work, and having affairs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Officestuck

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Spoke to floor manager today

Roxy, please stop coming into work drunk. The manager didn't say it outright but I'm pretty sure you're on thin ice with him and I really don't think you should give him reasons to fire you!

* * *

  
To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Spoke to floor manager today

i dont care what he thniks hes not the boss a me  
and ya dont have anything to worry about janey i know what he likes and what he likes is a piece a this ass if you know what i mean

roxy

* * *

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Spoke to floor manager today

Yes, Roxy, he is. He is literally the boss of you.  
Also, you are aware that he's gay, right?

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Spoke to floor manager today

no way youre shtiting me  
but he looks at me every time im in the same room as him

roxy

* * *

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Spoke to floor manager today

That's because you're usually staggering and practically falling out of your blouse.  
And you don't need to sign your name after every email. I can read the "from" line just fine!

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Spoke to floor manager today

its just a thing called MANNGERS janey im sure youve herd of them  
YOURS SINCERELY  
ROXANNE AMELIA LALONDE

ps: what was strider thinking with all this re re re re rre stuff on the email header

* * *

To: Third Floor (j.crocker@skaia.net, r.lalonde@skaia.net, j.english@skaia.net, t.fox@skaia.net, d.scratch@skaia.net, c.powell@skaia.net, s.eve...)  
From: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
Subject: Official IT Tech Support Report

Jake,

I fixed the issue you were having with your file server. I traced the problem to that folder you have that is full of pictures of Jane. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about it. Honest.

\- Dirk Strider, IT

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Fwd: Official IT Tech Support Report

Jake,

I fixed the issue you were having with your file server. I traced the problem to that folder you have that is full of pictures of Jane. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about it. Honest.

\- Dirk Strider, IT  
\------  
see jane the compuner guy does it too  
*puter

roxy

* * *

To: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Official IT Tech Support Report

You numbskull, you sent that email to the entire third floor!  
Oh gosh, what do I do now!

* * *

To: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
From: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Support Report

Thank you Dirk, you were very helpful in solving my database problem. You are a valued member of Skaia.net Industries.

That was your line, by the way.

* * *

To: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Support Report

Who cares about that! I will never hear the end of this and it's all your fault!

* * *

To: Third Floor (j.crocker@skaia.net, r.lalonde@skaia.net, j.english@skaia.net, t.fox@skaia.net, d.scratch@skaia.net, c.powell@skaia.net, s.eve...)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Don't listen to Strider!

I do NOT have a folder of pictures of Jane! That was a prank on his part.

* * *

To: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Don't listen to Strider!

hey jake whens the engagement party  
i hear weddding bells

roxy

* * *

To: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Official IT Tech Support Report

Jake hasn't really saved pictures of me on his work computer, has he?

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Support Report

That is strictly between two particularly tight bros.

* * *

To: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Support Report

Please, don't toy with me! It's very unprofessional. Almost as much as stalking your coworkers!

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Support Report

Don't start giving me that. I've seen what's on your hard drive too, you know. I don't know how you even got that picture.

* * *

To: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Support Report

You sent it to me, remember? A week ago. And you'd get in trouble for doing so if I were inclined to tell anyone about it!  
Speaking of professionalism, please fix the email header report thingy!

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Support Rep

The email headers are working exactly as intended and I cannot think of any better way they could be.

* * *

To: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
From :Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Support

It's clipping off the end of the subject line!

* * *

To: Third Floor (j.crocker@skaia.net, r.lalonde@skaia.net, j.english@skaia.net, t.fox@skaia.net, d.scratch@skaia.net, c.powell@skaia.net, s.eve...)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: hen party

in celebriation of jake and janes blosoming relationship im throwing a huge party tonight at my place  
byob cause i bought all the drinks last time  
girls only no boys allowed!!

roxy

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Official IT Tech Sup

Working as intended.

* * *

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: hen party

You bought all the drinks last time because you drank all the drinks last time.  
I remember a distinct air of sobriety over the whole proceeding except within a small radius of you.

* * *

To: Dirk Strider (it@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: hen party

ssssssshhhh the growndups are trying to talk

roxy

* * *

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: hen party

Oh gosh we are not in any sort of relationship! Where in the blue hells do you get your information?

* * *

To: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: hen party

i will never tell ;D  
what i will tell though is that a certain secretary on a certan third floor art a certain company thinks you are really sweet and wants to make ouy with you at my hen parrty ;D

roxy

* * *

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: hen party

Did she really say that? Oh god oh my oh gosh...

* * *

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: hen party

Just what are you telling everyone about me and Jake?

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: hen party

only exactly what jake told me which is that he basically wants to take you over that cute reception counter youve got there ;D

roxy

* * *

To: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
From: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: hen party

cross my heart and hope to die she really said that  
now are you going to tap that ass or what do i have to do everything around here???

roxy

* * *

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: hen party

...

* * *

To: Third Floor (j.crocker@skaia.net, r.lalonde@skaia.net, j.english@skaia.net, t.fox@skaia.net, d.scratch@skaia.net, c.powell@skaia.net, s.eve...)  
From: Floor Manager (d.scratch@skaia.net)  
Subject: MEMO: Office Relationships

I would like to remind everyone of the company policy regarding relationships between coworkers. Specifically, that they are strictly forbidden without the express blessing of your floor manager. Romantic relations between any employees are considered extremely unprofessional and anyone I find having a relationship without filing the proper paperwork will find their time at this company short-lived.

* * *

To: Third Floor (j.crocker@skaia.net, r.lalonde@skaia.net, j.english@skaia.net, t.fox@skaia.net, d.scratch@skaia.net, c.powell@skaia.net, s.eve...)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Enough is enough

Jake and I are NOT in a relationship, romantic or otherwise.  
Honestly, I don't know where you get these ideas. I don't even like him that much.

* * *

To: Roxy Lalonde (r.lalonde@skaia.net)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Gotcha!

You fibber! Surely you know not to toy with people's emotions like that!

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Enough is enough

My, cushion the blow why don't you!

* * *

To: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Enough is enough

Sorry Jake, the words came out wrong. I didn't mean it like that; I do like you. Even if you do have a folder on your computer full of pictures of me.

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Enough is enough

Oh shucks, you know Dirk was making that up! I would never think to disrespect you like that.

* * *

To: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Enough is enough

You know, after all this, I'm actually a little disappointed about that!

* * *

To: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
From: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Enough is enough

Well, I'm glad it's all sorted out.

* * *

To: Jake English (j.english@skaia.net)  
From: Jane Crocker (j.crocker@skaia.net)  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Enough is enough

...say, would you like to go out for drinks after work? I mean... like a date?


End file.
